Cultural Shifts and Heartfelt Guidance: A Q&A with Enrique Morales, LMFT

Enrique Morales, LMFT, Therapist with Coastal Kids Home Care

Conversations about death can be some of the most challenging and emotional discussions a parent may face, yet they are essential for fostering resilience and understanding in children. Hospice Giving Foundation had the privilege of working with Enrique Morales, LMFT with Coastal Kids Home Care, who presented a Spanish workshop at the Hispanic Ministry in Salinas on the topic, Cómo Hablarles a los Niños sobre la Muerte or How to Speak to Children About Death. This workshop stood out not only for its practical strategies and cultural insights but also for the unique and inspiring participation from Latino men in the audience.

Typically, women have been the more vocal and engaged demographic in similar workshops, but this time, we witnessed the “macho” mentality give way to open, heartfelt contributions from the men, thanks to Enrique’s relatable and approachable presentation style. His guidance sheds light on the importance of normalizing these conversations and empowering families to approach this sensitive topic with honesty and care.

Why is it important to talk to children about death, and at what age should we start these conversations?
It is important to talk with your children about death because as a parent you want children to see death as a natural process of life. In that process you want to be honest with your children, and you must take into consideration the maturity level of the children to help them understand and avoid confusion.

What are some common misconceptions parents have about discussing death with children?
Some of the more common misconceptions that I see parents saying are:

• I would not know how to talk to my children about death.
• I would not have all the answers to my children’s questions.
• I do not know when the right time is to talk with my children about death.
• I do not know if my children are going to understand me.
• Nobody told me how to talk about death.

What cultural factors, particularly in the Latino community, might influence how families approach this topic?
Latino families address this topic, normally, when death occurs in another family. Latino adults tend to wait until children come to them to ask about death. They, culturally, see death as something that is complicated to talk about, so they prefer not to address it, especially in early ages. Latino families view death as something that happens to older individuals during our later age.

How can parents address their own discomfort or grief when talking about death with their children?
Educating themselves to understand that death is a normal process of life. Addressing their own discomfort with someone they feel comfortable with, like a religious leader, to obtain answers to their own questions.

What are some age-appropriate ways to explain death to younger children versus teenagers?
Answering children’s questions and explaining what death is, in simple language, so that children can more easily understand the conversation. Answering questions that children might have with honest and clear information helps to avoid confusing children. Model, in a healthy way, expression of feelings so that children have the comfort of expressing their feelings, freely.

What role can rituals, like Día de Los Muertos, play in helping children process loss and grief?
Rituals helps process feelings. They facilitate the conversation about death, they provide an opportunity for children to express their own feeling and ask questions about death, and it also helps to create a moment for parents to explain death to children in a creative way.

How can parents identify when a child might need additional support, like therapy, to cope with loss?
Parents must look for professional services when children’s behaviors have changed in a negative way, such as an increase in anxiety, depression symptoms, negative behaviors at home and school, or when their children are not able to express their feelings and emotions in a healthy way. Parents must be aware of children’s timelines and observe how children are processing the symptoms of grief and loss according to their expectations.

What advice do you have for parents in helping children prepare for an inevitable loss, such as a terminally ill relative?
Open communication is important to have with children about the present and future of somebody’s end-of-life journey, especially when somebody has a terminal illness. Ensure that you answer questions that children will have about illness, in a way that children will understand. Normalize death as part of a natural process of life. Validate children’s feelings and make sure that children know you, as their parents, are there to support them throughout their grief process.

Talking to children about death is never easy, but it is an invaluable opportunity to provide them with tools to process loss and build emotional strength. As Enrique reminds us, fostering open and age-appropriate conversations, embracing cultural rituals, and seeking professional support when needed can make a meaningful difference in how children cope with grief. We are deeply grateful for Enrique’s expertise and the positive impact he continues to have on our community through these essential workshops.