CEO Message: July 2021

I am becoming a person that I didn’t think I was. I’ve seen them for years. Now… I’m one of them. And with this confession, comes an apology for all the times I’ve rolled my eyes… I hope you didn’t see me, I’m sorry. This person isn’t overly indulgent as I once thought. I don’t think they are all the same either.  I’ve always prided our family in being reasonable on this front; self-sufficient, pragmatic. But now things have changed. I’ve become an official ‘dog person.’  It’s different than the dog owner I have almost always been. It’s a little like having 6 legs: my two and the four that carry Edmund around, right on my heels — at all times.

My dogs used to be at home all day long without us, managing fine. We never knew what they were up to, but at times we came home to ‘situations’ about which they were very tight-lipped. The pandemic came and suddenly we were all together, 24/7, Zoom meetings, meals, walks, naps… all of it.

But here is the thing that explains my new identity in life as a ‘goes-everywhere-I-do’ dog person. Edmund is grieving. In February 2021 his BFF, and our beloved Kramer, died. Kramer was just shy of 12; Edmund is six.

Our daughter Brighid and I were the primary members of the care team for Kramer:  giving him meds, taking him to doctor appointments, physical support, and modifications for him to be comfortable. Not surprisingly, I even facilitated the ‘conversation’ about how we would make the painful choices. Our son Byron and my husband Joe shared the burden joining Edmund as the head of the spiritual team. If Kramer went outside or to another room, Edmund followed just to be sure. Edmund never said a word but curled up next to Kramer at every opportunity. In essence, he assigned himself to Kramer.

In our house, we’re learning about grief from Edmund and Kramer. Here are some of the lessons.

Treasure Every Moment: The photo that is in the HG Foundation Annual Report of Kramer, Edmund, and me was taken two days before Kramer left us. Capture those special moments.

Sometimes There Are No Words: Edmund says nothing. We’ve learned that if you look into the heart and soul of someone grieving, you see it. They don’t need to say anything. They just need you to understand and recognize.

Be Present: Edmund wants to be with us all the time. We’ve learned that being unconditionally present is vital.  It reassures, comforts, and validates. Being genuinely present is without judgment, without distractions. It is affirming and provides solace. It takes compassion and intentionality.

Take Time with Your Grief: Edmund needs time. There is no time frame for someone who is grieving. Everyone is an individual and thus, so too is their grieving process. You will likely always miss those you love. No one can put closure on that.

Allow Others In: Edmund does better when he’s around people – like the team at the HG Foundation office when he ‘goes to work.’ Being with others helps lift a sad heart. When the expectations are simple, being together is enough.

I know our grief losing Kramer is very different from the loss of a person you love. Yet he, like many pets, was part of our family and brought us joy.  Our family knew his time was coming, but that did not lessen our sorrow.

At Hospice Giving Foundation we know there are families and care providers who have experienced and witnessed profound loss. Our hearts go out to all of you. We understand the grief will continue to manifest over the next few years and people need more support.

To meaningfully address this grief, Hospice Giving Foundation has made a major commitment to supporting grief and bereavement services in our community. We established the ‘Heal Together’ grant in the amount of $500,000.  Our friends at Harden Foundation contributed $250,000. We invite you to make a contribution, so more resources are available. This grant will fund bilingual, bicultural services accessible to all members of our community. Over the next few months, we will share details about how this is taking shape.

As we emerge from such trying and difficult times, I hope the lessons we’ve learned can help you too, starting with ‘Treasure Every Moment.’

My warmest regards,
Siobhan